ADHD and Decision-Making: The Sunny Path vs. The Snow Storm
One of the most common things I hear from clients with ADHD is some version of: “I don’t feel like I’m choosing anything. It’s like my ADHD decides for me.” Or, “I just can’t seem to get myself to do ________.”
And I get why it feels that way. From the outside, it can look like avoidance, procrastination, or indecision. From the inside, it feels more like being stuck. Frozen. Overwhelmed. Like every possible option requires more energy than you have.
Here’s the truth: People with ADHD do have choices - and - making those choices takes significantly more effort.
The Sunny Path vs. the Snow Storm
I often think about decision-making like walking. For many neurotypical folks, making decisions feels like walking on a paved path on a sunny day. The ground is solid. Visibility is good. You can see where you’re going. If you decide to turn left, you turn left. If you want to turn around and go another way, you can do that too. There’s very little resistance.
For someone with ADHD, decision-making can feel more like trudging through a snowstorm.
The wind is blowing directly in your face.
There’s two feet of snow on the ground.
It’s cold. Visibility is poor.
Every step forward takes effort.
Now imagine being told, “Just pick a direction.” Yes, technically, you can move forward. But every step requires pushing against resistance.
Why Doing Nothing Feels Easier (Even When It Doesn’t Feel Good)
In a snowstorm, the easiest option is often to stop moving. Standing still doesn’t feel great. You’re still cold. The wind is still blowing. The snow is still piling up. But compared to the effort of pushing forward, doing nothing feels less demanding.
This is where ADHD decision-making often gets misunderstood.
When someone with ADHD doesn’t make a choice, it’s not because they don’t care. It’s not because they’re lazy. It’s not because they’re incapable of deciding. It’s because making the choice means actively moving toward resistance. And when your brain already has less access to motivation, working memory, emotional regulation, and energy, that resistance matters.
Choice Still Exists — It Just Costs More
Saying “ADHD makes decisions harder” is very different from saying “ADHD removes choice altogether.” Choice is still there, but the cost of choosing is higher. It’s like asking two people to walk the same distance, except one is on a clear sidewalk and the other is knee-deep in snow with freezing wind. If the second person moves slower or stops to rest, that’s not a character flaw. It’s a realistic response to the conditions they’re in.
What Actually Helps?
Instead of telling yourself (or being told):
“Just decide.”
“You just have to make yourself do it.”
“Why is this so difficult for you?”
It’s often more helpful to ask:
How can I reduce the resistance?
Can I break this into a smaller step?
Can I make the path a little clearer or warmer before I move?
Sometimes the goal isn’t to push harder through the storm. Sometimes it’s to acknowledge the storm exists and plan accordingly.
A Gentler Reframe
If you have ADHD and decision-making feels exhausting, you’re not broken. You’re not failing at adulthood. You’re navigating a system that asks you to move forward as if the conditions were easy — when they’re not.
You still have agency.
You still have choice.
It just takes more effort, more support, and more compassion than most people realize.
And that matters.
If this resonates with you and you need some help through the snow storm - reach out for help! Executive functioning coaching and therapy can be a powerful tool in helping you weather the storm and inch your way toward your values.
